Candy Corn

A couple nights ago, I dreamt that I went to a Japanese store to buy some groceries.

The day before, I had read about milled rice and polished rice, and how they are used to brew sake.

This time, the Japanese market had set up an entire rice station, equipped to look like a giant Starbucks with bags of rice filling the shelves instead of coffee. The man behind the counter was quite the salesman, offering me free samples and encouraging me to run my fingers through the open bags. “You won’t find a finer rice anywhere!”

I ended up buying a 20-lb bag of polished sake rice. The label said it was milled down to 30% of its size. The only problem was that my bag was contaminated with pretzel sticks and candy corn.

Then, I tried to buy a dozen eggs. I figured I could save space by cracking the eggs into a bowl and carting it all out the door that way.

After doing all this, I realized I had everything I wanted at home already

So, I left my rice and eggs in a corner of the Japanese store and walked out. I was worried that I’d be recognized as that asshole who cracked a dozen eggs into one of their bowls and left, and that they’d never allow me to shop there again.

But I figured, it serves them right to throw candy corn into my rice.

I hate candy corn.