Curse You, DiGiorno's Microwaveable Rising Crust Pizza

... you have burned my tongue and failed to quench my hunger. And although your crust DID rise, you failed to meet my exceedingly high expectations. But don't come whining to me -- you brought this on yourself. You're the one who advertised yourself as that sexy pie indistinguishable from freshly baked delivery pizza. But your crust was puffy and tasteless and the middle stayed a melted blob of doughy goo.

So a pox upon thee, DiGiorno's Microwaveable Rising Crust Pizza. May you fester in the bowels of culinary hell.

And curse you, Mollie Stone's, for tempting me to buy a 99c canteloupe, only to have it blossom in a glorious explosion of fungus in just FOUR DAYS.